The Enlightened Lover: 4 Attachment Styles Demystified in 60 Minutes

Dearest Subscriber,

Thank you for being a subscriber and for expressing an interest in Attachment!

I am super excited to share an upcoming training opportunity on the subject, as it pertains to adult, romantic relationships.

This training is also worth 1.0 CE contact hours for LCATs in New York State (scroll to the bottom for more detail on that).

Any questions, feel free to hit “reply.”

Are you looking for a passionate partnership with someone who excites you, and is interested in a loving, ENLIGHTENED, soul-deep relationship?

Yet, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to find yourself back in those same old patterns, with partners that…

  • Don’t appreciate you, and take your generosity for granted
  • Show up with fireworks one day, and then disappear without explanation the next
  • Treat you like an intimate partner, but don’t give you any physical intimacy
  • Or they only seem to be interested in sex, but exclude you from other aspects of their lives
  • Avoid labeling the relationship and make you feel neurotic for needing it
  • Behave in a needlessly secretive fashion
  • Ignore you for weeks then text “miss you” at 2am

Or maybe your partner is…

  • Intrusive and over-controlling
  • Monitors every move you make
  • Has high demands and never gives you any space
  • Takes everything personally, and over analyzes everything you say
  • Interprets most situations in the negative
  • Presses for too much too fast
  • Doesn’t respect your boundaries or a need for space
  • Expects you to read their mind, and blows up when you don’t
  • Is hot one minute and cold the next

And with all of this, maybe you start to doubt your own judgement.

Maybe you’ve been classified as “sensitive” or empathic or anxious.

Maybe somewhere along the way you’ve learned to distrust your OWN FEELINGS.

Maybe you have simply ‘settled’ all your life, tending to those around you.

Maybe you feel vague and chameleony about life, uncomfortable with standing out and being seen and heard.

Perhaps your environment caused you to WILT and self-forget…

That ends NOW.

Gain valuable insight into how your style of loving could be helping or hindering your relationships, when you attend this FREE TRAINING and webinar…


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For example, which one of these sounds like you?

A.”I don’t like being confined by labels. Whatever me and whoever are up to, is our own business. Labels set you up to fail because they create unrealistic expectations, and that’s not reality.”

I refer to individuals with this kind of attachment style as  Rolling Stones (in the literature, this is considered an “avoidant attachment style”). Rolling Stones are typically hard workers, get the job done. While they typically have a low tolerance for vulnerability and emotionality in themselves, they are both drawn to, and afraid of, those characteristics in their partners.

B. “When my partners out with their friends, I wonder what they’re up to and feel kinda left out. Why wouldn’t I be invited? Why do they have to shut me out of that part of their life like that? If we’re ‘together,’ we should be together!”

I refer to individuals with this kind of attachment style as Open Hearts (in the literature, this is referred to as an “anxious attachment style”). Open Hearts are extremely loving, supportive, and generous in their partnerships. They often want to spend all their time with you. They are loyal, enduring, and are the first to show up when you need someone. As a result, sometimes they can become people pleasers that over extend themselves and wind up feeling depleted, abandoned, and resentful.

C. “I give my partner their space, and do my own thing too. It only seems to strengthen our relationship because we really respect our mutual need for independence and private time. When we come together again, we have so much more to share on an intimate level.”

I refer to individuals with this kind of attachment style as Cornerstones (in the literature, this is referred to as “secure attachment style”). Cornerstones are typically stable and consistent partners who do what they say, and say what they mean. They are not afraid of intimacy, nor of giving their partners some space. They understand the gray areas in life, and so they also tend to be de-escalators, when it comes to romantic conflicts.

D. “We like to hang out together and do everything together. We’re so connected, we finish each other’s sentences. That is, before it goes sour and my partner usually turns into a drama queen, or starts ignoring me for no reason.”

I refer to individuals with this kind of attachment style as being the Spice of Life (in the literature, this is referred to as “disorganized  or anxious-avoidant attachment style”). Spice of Lifers typically feel their  highs and lows with depth and poignancy, to the point where they are probably sick of being told they are too “intense.” They are often creative, charismatic, empathic and can read a room like nobody’s business. They may, at times, wield this power over others in the form of manipulation. However, this is usually motivated by a deep need for understanding and connection, while at the same time struggling with a fear of rejection, abandonment, and losing control of themselves.

Each one of these “attachment styles” comes with its own strengths and pitfalls.

There is no right or wrong way to be, but sometimes the VERY sensitivity that is our gift, can also choke us with fear, self-doubt, and thin boundaries, when it comes to love.

Knowing your attachment style and the style of your partner can unlock a WEALTH of information about how to find and build the kind of PASSIONATE, SUPPORTIVE, and SPIRITUALLY NOURISHING relationship you may be looking for.


-What if you didn’t have to be overwhelmed with anxiety and fear in relationships?
-What if you weren’t afraid to be fully emotionally present, or felt smothered anytime real intimacy presented an opportunity to you?
-What if you didn’t have to control every little aspect of the relationship?
-What if things flowed with ease, and pleasure and play was the norm between you and your partner?
-What if sex and emotional intimacy were experienced and celebrated as a unified and sensual spiritual experience?

If you’re ready to…

-BREAK FREE from unhealthy patterns of living and loving…
-Leave behind the FANTASY of perfection that keeps us IMPRISONED in a perpetual cycle of pain, abandonment, rejection and longing…
-Step into TRUE LOVE, in all its beautiful messiness…

Than this FREE training is perfect for you!


After attending this FREE training, you will be able to identify…

-The 4 Attachment styles and how they may be helping or hindering your love life 
-8 Mindful tips for working with insecure attachment 
-1 Experiential exercise using creative arts therapies approaches, to start healing insecure attachment

If you’re intrigued, and ready to take charge of your love life…


Don’t you think it’s time to stop struggling with the same behavioral patterns, social conditioning, and mindset blocks you’ve always had?

Transformation is rarely linear, sometimes progress feels like fear, and TRUST is a verb.

Wherever you may be on your romantic journey, let this FREE TRAINING be the first step towards CONSCIOUSLY CREATING a love life that makes your heart SING, and help you to TRUST THE PROCESS!!



For all you creative arts therapists, this training is worth 1.0 LIVE CE contact hours for LCATs in New York State.

If you are interested in obtaining the contact hours, you will need to pay a $35 fee to take the assessment and evaluation, and receive the certificate.

To learn more, you can go here.

Hope to see you there!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam


(Day 2 of 3) The Cure For Procrastination: Bite-Sized Portions

maxresdefaultResearch that claims three things can improve your situation, if you are a chronic procrastinator…

  • Forgiving yourself.
  • Breaking your tasks up into bite-sized portions.
  • Treating work like play.

Yesterday, we explored the evidence supporting forgiving yourself, as a way to overcome chronic procrastination. If you missed it, you can catch it here, on my blog.

Today, I would like to take a closer look at ‘Breaking your tasks up into bite-sized portions.’


Cuz Breaking Up is Hard to Do…

It used to be that psychologists thought people who procrastinate have a faulty sense of time, but recent research suggests procrastination is linked to emotional regulation.

There’s no single type of procrastinator, but several general impressions have emerged over years of research.

Chronic procrastinators have perpetual problems finishing tasks, while situational ones delay based on the task itself;  that is, when people view a task in an unpleasant manner (“It will be tough, boring, painful…”), they are more likely to put it off.

A perfect storm of procrastination occurs when an unpleasant task meets a person who’s high in impulsivity and low in self-discipline.

One of the things we talked about yesterday is the tendency of the procrastinator to seek short-term escapes to relieve feelings of tension, stress, shame, guilty and so on, but this hinders the procrastinator’s ability to absorb any meaningful insight or lessons from sitting with the tension.

Sirois and Pychyl propose the idea that procrastinators comfort themselves in the present with the false belief that they’ll be more emotionally equipped to handle a task in the future.

Sirois believes the best way to eliminate the need for short-term mood fixes is to find something positive or worthwhile about the task itself, and to break it up into smaller tasks that are manageable and more achievable.

How do you do that?

In addition to breaking up a big task in to bite-sized portions,
here’s a summary of 4 of Dr. Lombardo‘s suggestions…

1. Stop catastrophizing. One of the biggest reasons people procrastinate is because they catastrophize, or make a huge deal out of something.

2. Focus on the benefits, and why its meaningful to you. If you’ve been putting off cleaning out a closet, imagine walking into the closet when it is decluttered and how good that will feel.

3. Set realistic deadlines. You need to schedule when you are going to work on a project and block out that time, just as you would an important meeting. And be realistic about your routines; if you know you’re a night owl don’t plan to get up an hour early to start that new exercise routine–you’ll be setting yourself up to fail.

4. Optimize your environment. Your environment can help or hinder your productivity. During your scheduled block of time for working on a particular task, close your email and IM, turn off your phone.

So as you creep towards 2018  and start to consider those oh-so-important New Year’s resolutions, consider these tips to help you stay on track!

And make sure you check your email, or back here tomorrow, for when we explore how treating work like play, can cure procrastination as well.

Furthermore, I encourage you to check out the amazing discounted offers and FREE trainings I have below, to help expand your horizons and make AMAZING and GROUNDBREAKING changes in your life, in 2018.

As always feel free to replay with questions, comments, concerns, and high fives!





Hope to see you there!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam


(DAY 1 OF 3) The Cure for Procrastination: Forgiving Yourself

Dearest Subscriber,

First of all, greetings during the holiday season!

I hope you are finding ways to stay warm and take stock, whether its with family and friends, or taking time out to hibernate and rejuvenate in solitude.

I tend to do a little bit of both.

Here’s a picture of me and my third day in this sweat shirt, trying to figure out holiday filters and not succeeding very well  (obviously).

Here’s a picture of me and my sister on Christmas Eve, when I bothered to shower and actually had a great time going out to dinner and singing Karaoke, until I lost my voice (I do a mean Janis Joplin, “Piece of My Heart.”)

And this is a picture of my son, who called me on Christmas day to show me his fangs and tell me how much fun he was having at Disney World with his Papi.

Today, I’d like to share what I have learned about one thing that seems to plague people when it comes to this time of year, when we take stock of what we’ve done, and start turning towards what we want to accomplish…


As 2017 winds down, I find myself reflecting on my resolutions from last year, and what I aim to accomplish in the next year.

And a few things have popped up for me, when it comes to the reasons why we do or do not accomplish the things we set out to, at the beginning of every year.

In a previous post, I mentioned that there are two things that can get us into trouble when it comes to following through on our goals and resolutions, and those are…

1. Dreaming Big
2. Procrastination

If you missed it, you can check it out here, on my blog, to learn more about how dreaming big can trip you up.

Today, I intend to make good on my promise to follow up with evidenced-based research that claims three things can improve your situation, if you are a chronic procrastinator…

  • Forgiving yourself.
  • Breaking your tasks up into bite-sized portions.
  • Treating work like play.

Over the next three days, I would like to take a closer look at all three of these.

Today, let’s start with ‘forgiving yourself.’

Forgiving Yourself

Researchers and psychologists define procrastination as the voluntary delay of some important task that we intend to do, despite knowing that we’ll suffer as a result. And an inability to manage emotions seems to be its very foundation.

“While everybody may procrastinate, not everyone is a procrastinator,” says APS Fellow Joseph Ferrari, “to tell the chronic procrastinator to just do it would be like saying to a clinically depressed person, ‘cheer up’.”

Sympathizers of procrastination often say it doesn’t matter when a task gets done, so long as it’s eventually finished. Some even believe they work best under pressure.

But one study published in Psychological Science back in 1997 revealed the costs of procrastination far outweighed the temporary benefits. Procrastinators reported higher cumulative amounts of stress and illness.

True procrastinators didn’t just finish their work later — the quality of it suffered, as did their own well-being.

Why would procrastinators put themselves through that?

“The chronic procrastinator, the person who does this as a lifestyle, would rather have other people think that they lack effort than lacking ability,” says Ferrari.

In other words, procrastinators would rather be thought of as lazy, than incapable.

To my mind, this is actually perfectionism and fear of failure, which is ALL underscored by a deep-seeded sense of shame; a feeling which procrastinators are notorious for avoiding, by seeking out short-term escapes from the consequences of their actions (or inaction).

For example, a group of students were told a woman went on vacation and didn’t use sunscreen. When she came home she had a suspicious mole, but delayed in going to the doctor.

Procrastinators are likely to say things like, “Well at least she caught it before it got worse.” This statment releases the tension of the moment, opting for a rationalization that offers some mental and emotional relief.

Whereas non-procrastinators say things like, “She should have gone to the doctor sooner.” This statment takes in the tension of the moment, and makes it an applicable lesson; insight is derived from the discomfort.

So what is the solution for procrastinators?

Forgiveness and self-compassion.

A research team, led by Michael Wohl, reported in a 2010 issue of Personality and Individual Differences that students who forgave themselves after procrastinating on the first exam were less likely to delay studying for the second one.

They believe that procrastination is really a self-inflicted wound that gradually chips away at the most valuable resource in the world: time.

“It’s an existentially relevant problem, because it’s not getting on with life itself,” Whol says. “You only get a certain number of years. What are you doing?”


This is  YOUR LIFE.


No one is going to write it but YOU.
Make sure you check your email tomorrow, or come back here, for when we explore how to break down tasks into bite-sized portions, in order to make them more digestible.

And in the spirit of seizing the day, I encourage you to check out the amazing discounted offers and FREE trainings I have below, to help expand your horizons and make AMAZING and GROUNDBREAKING changes in your life, in 2018.

As always feel free to replay with questions, comments, concerns, and high fives!


These AMAZING trainings that are still available to you for our open enrollment period, December 1rd, 2017 to January 3rd, 2018.





Hope to see you there!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam


New Year’s Resolutions…Why Aren’t They Resolved Already?

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, we have this tendency to set BIG, lofty goals for ourselves…things we couldn’t POSSIBLY complete, even in a year’s time.

Either because they are too many, too much, in too short of a time, or because they tackle aspects of our mental end emotional selves that we aren’t ACTUALLY ready to face, or lack the tools to address CONSISTENTLY.

I have found two things tend to impact our ability to follow through with our goals and/or resolutions, and that is…

1. Procrastination
2. Dreaming Big

1. Procrastination.

Researchers have found TRUE procrastinators actually struggle with emotional regulation, not their priorities; they feel shameful about a fear of not succeeding, and would rather appear lazy, than incapable.

The solution?

  • Forgiving yourself.
  • Breaking your tasks up into bite-sized portions.
  • Treating work like play.

(Stay tuned for my next post where I back this up with evidenced-based research!)

2. Dreaming Big.

Dreamers have a tendency to get lost in fantasy (which is also a trait of true procrastinators) who are GREAT at visualizing the big picture, but NOT so great at visualizing each step it would take to climb that glorious mountain.

The solution is to visualize yourself CONSISTENTLY doing SMALL action steps that lead up to that pinnacle point.  And then DECIDE and COMMIT not just to the dream, but the itty bitty steps.

Now,  my private Facebook community of 380 therapists and healers, is for DREAMERS who are DONE procrastinating, and willing to learn the necessary steps to climbing their own personal Mt. Everest.

In this group, we support each other and uplift one another with a resounding…


Right after our last Facebook ads training, our abundant healer, Kristen Boyer, managed to attract over 100 clients to her private Facebook group, in only 10 days. 

Here is a bit of her journey in the program, and how she is experiencing this new influx for her practice…

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What would you do with 100 new, potential clients in only 10 days?


  • Why do you keep yourself small?
  • Why do you keep telling yourself “I’ll do it tomorrow?”
  • Why do you keep insisting that you don’t DESERVE it?
  • Why do you have to be an “expert” to explore and share what only YOU can personally know, in your experience?

How long are you going to let all the rich material and content that you are just SITTING ON , collect dust?

When is it going to be time to STEP INTO YOUR POWER and your SOUL ASSIGNMENT?

When are you going to LET GO of your scarcity attitudes around money, and realize you have to spend it, to make it?

Who better to invest in you, than YOU???!!!!

Forget 2017.


“So long, 2017, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”

Time to STOP focusing on the negative.
Time to STOP REPELLING your abundances with anxiety, fear, and doomsday predictions.

This is  YOUR LIFE.


No one is going to write it but YOU.

And the best way to take one small step towards BEST SELLING AUTHORSHIP, is to book a free consultation with ME!

Which you can do here.

This is a FREE business coaching session in which we take a look at your business and devise a plan of approach that might have you collecting $9000 in revenue per month…like me 🙂

Alternatively, check out these AMAZING trainings that are still available to you for our open enrollment period, December 1rd, 2017 to January 3rd, 2018.





Hope to see you there!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam


[Guided Meditation: Learn to Receive] Releasing Shame, Guilt & Fucked Up Stories

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Dearest Subscriber,
A couple of our new private Facebook group members, for THE ABUNDANT HEALER: 90 DAYS TO SKYROCKET YOUR CAREER signature program, reported for the initial intake questions…
“I just started my journey as a therapist and I feel I block abundance by not believing I can have it…I would like to learn how to allow myself to receive.”
“Sometimes I feel guilty charging for something I am naturally gifted in.”
And I felt that was SO P0WERFUL and ON POINT when it comes to the MAJOR blocks people have to abundance.
There are A LOT of stories we tell ourselves, about why we can or cannot have something.
And many of them get wrapped up int two things, in my observation…
1. What we think about our own deservedness
2. And what we think other people think about our own deservedness.
And as therapists and healers we have this propensity to get caught up in the idea that “being of service” means we have to sacrifice our quality of life to be “good servants.”
But the problem is, that keeps you small.
It keeps you begging after guilt.
It keeps you bent over shame’s knee.
And I guarantee you, whatever esoteric source of infinite energy and intelligence you believe in, is NOT served best by you begging and bent over anyone’s punitive ideas about right and wrong, good and bad, or what you are and are not deserving of receiving.
If you learn nothing else from this post, remember these three points I would like to DRILL into your brain and heart…
…Outside of respect and basic human decency in our social contracts. And if you accept this, you have to accept two more things…
We have built these physical and psychic webs of guilt and shame and obligatory responsibility around social and cultural constructions that have infiltrated our subjective experiences to the point of self sabotage and abandonment.
And so, we are left with a scarcity mindset, because as is within, so is without, and when you waste time scrambling around to prove yourself worthy to people, you leave your home base unguarded, unfortified, and vulnerable to attack.
You might love them. You might respect them. You might aspire to acquiring something they have one day. But guess what?
They can also be FUCKED UP.
And fucked up people, places, things, social and cultural mandates will NEVER be able to give you the permission and validation you seek.
Only YOU can do that.
Today’s guided meditation is going to help you do two things.
1. Locate wherever this guilt and shame is residing your body.
2. Kick it out, and replace it with a willingness to receive your BIRTHRIGHT.
I pray I am not alone in my sentiment on this.
Please leave your comments on what comes up for you below. I would love to read it!!!!




Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam

7 Key Questions to Call in Soul Clients

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My Darling Subscriber,

We had a great training on Sunday on how to use Facebook Ads to start calling in ideal clients FAST.

Here are some of the goals participants of the training would like to achieve…

  • Abundance!
  • Financial freedom
  • Freedom to travel more!
  • Expansion of thought/purpose
  • To feel confident and not second guess myself
  • Relief from stress of finances and professional growth

And this training taps into a way to help you get there, without compromising your integrity as a therapist, or having to confront that icky sticky feeling of charging more for your services.

When you are exercising your creativity using alternative outlets–specifically, putting yourself out there online–you start to bring in alternative streams of revenue that relieve the pressure of trying to survive on a 1:1 business model.

In this presentation, we touched upon 7 Key Questions to help you hone in on what your clients need and want, and HOW TO WRITE YOUR MARKETING COPY so that it cuts through the noise and sings straight to your soul clients.

When we touched on this topic, one live participant responded…

“OMG, you’ve nailed the core issue- shame about selling…”

And that issue is SO pervasive among therapists and healers: associating worthiness issues and valuing the self with selling–and selling, with shame.

By the end of the training, it seemed we had tapped into something special, and I invited participants to book consultation calls with me.

We were lucky enough to have some individuals who’d previously had consultations with me on the call, and they had lovely things to say to the other attendees…

“My free consultation was amazing! I can look back at it to refresh my memory and keep me motivated!”

“The consultation helped me clarify that I am worth it!! I highly recommend  taking this first small step….”

“Do it! You’ll be sooooo happy you did, it’s FUN! Cartwheels!”

Based on this feedback I wanted to share this particular segment with you, it goes over these crucial 7 questions, if you want to write good marketing copy.

If you like what you see, I encourage you to take the full training HERE.

If you do decide to attend the training, you’ll receive a special offer on the full crash course.

And if you would like to learn more about THE ABUNDANT HEALER: 90 DAYS TO SKYROCKET YOUR CAREER program, or book a FREE consultation, go here.

I am sure we’ll be chatting soon!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam

Abundance Rituals and the Power of Habit

Screen Shot 2017-11-28 at 2.31.46 PM.pngDearest Subscriber,

Aristotle said…

We are what we repeatedly do. Success is not an action but a habit.

Today, as we rev up for the new enrollment period for my signature program…


which is from December 1st to January 3rd, I would like to share some of my habitual, abundance rituals with you.

Beware, they’re a little artsy fartsy!

What successful habits do you employ? Let me know in the comments below.

And be sure you get in my PRIVATE FACEBOOK GROUP.

Here, you’ll be kept abreast of the following AMAZING free trainings this month…

Enrollment EVENT

And if you’re ready to jump on it, go ahead and sign up for our first FREE TRAINING, here.

This period we are kicking it off with FB ads!

As a therapist and healer, what if I could teach you—in only 90 Minutes— how to create and launch 1 successful Facebook Traffic Ad, that would be IRRESISTIBLE to SOUL CLIENTS, attracting hundreds of potential clients, for only $5 a day–would you be interested?

In this FREE training you will learn one simple marketing strategy, implementing one Facebook traffic ad, to start driving potential clients to your business FAST.

This involves three simple steps, which we will cover in detail in the training…

1. The benefits of building a private Facebook group and community.

2. How to write masterful marketing copy that cuts through the noise and sings straight to your soul clients.

3. How to launch one successful Facebook traffic ad using audience targeting and spending no more than $5 per day.

So make sure you sign up today!

Register Here:…/169105139238456693/5d0b63c607

See you around!

Warmest regards,

Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT